Obamalama Ding Dong’s theme is “change”. Whatever happened to “reform”? You know, the political term for “change”? Is he reaching out to connect with middle-America’s idiocy? He recognizes we’ll choose a one-syllabled word over a two-syllabled when texting to our BFFs. That son of a preacher man has us snared in a digital noose.
In hindsight, Hillary would have made a righteous candidate. The Clintons could replace the Kennedys as America’s Royal Family, complete with Britney Spears in a birthday cake for Slick Willy’s entertainment.
Then arrives the overwhelming fuck-up of choosing their running mates. Joe Biden is Old School; the man started as a Republican for Christ’s sake! DC has jaded and faded his personality for three decades. Biden will discourage Obama’s “changes”. Obama wants to shift the Drug War’s paradigm from over-enthusiastic law enforcement into one of “education & awareness”. But Biden created the Goddamned Drug Czar back in 1985! We’ll see no reform on the Substance Control front. Will Biden be Obama’s puppetmaster just as Cheney suspended Dubya on invisible strings?
Anyways, Corporate American Media embraced the Democratic National Convention, perhaps nursing the celebratory momentum from the Chinese Olympics. A psyched Wolf Blitzer tap-danced on the Dem’s Denver stage. How can the GOP possibly outperform that mild, drug-free, fully-shirted HFStival?
McCain slithered in wait as the snake in the grass outside the stadium’s parking lot. The morning after, he undermined the entire DNC in one fell swoop while simultaneously Shocking & Awing this nation. He announced his running mate, an unknown charismatic middle-aged mother of five from Alaska. Leave it to those fascist Republicans to select an unqualified sassy pitbull beauty queen! There’s a leap toward breeding a superior, God-fearing, gun-toting, anti-progressive ethnicity. Did you check out that ho’s criminal record? Sarah Palin’s got drama and power abuse written all over her trademark eyeglasses and winks. Then arrived her momentous make-or-break introduction to the world at the Republican National Convention. This profound speech would float or sink the entire Traditional Family Values party.
But the question was not: Did she sway the people via her thoroughly-scrubbed rhetoric?
The true question was: Was her skirt long enough for Republican standards? I thought I saw some knee, tisk tisk.
Funny footnote: Ron Paul was denied permission to speak at the RNC, but at least they gave him a floor pass. Turning against the Conservatives, he held his own convention across the river in Minneapolis. Ten thousand farmers rolled in from all over the States to rally for Paul’s 19th-Century ideologies. A couple weeks later, Paul hosted an independent candidates rally begging that We the People vote for anyone but those poor bastards who sold their souls to the corrupt Two Party System.
So we’ve got two rookie rock stars on opposing sides, and two crusty curmudgeons on a first-name basis with each of DC’s sewer rats. Way to cancel each other out! Shut up, Anderson! Nobody’s gonna “change the town”.
Then came the embarrassing brass tax of the Presidential Debates. In summary, they both oppose gay marriage. Oh, and neither of them has any idea how to mitigate the global economic slowdown while Ben Bernanke and Henry Paulson keep ineffectively tossing the market free juicy bones. The primary differences between Barack and Johnny are (a) the War on Terror strategy and (b) the American healthcare approach.
McCain: Iraq, Iraq, Iraq!
Obama: Afghanistan, Afghanistan, Afghanistan!
And then that austere Maverick wants to cut everyone a $5k check for healthcare? A Republican pushing healthcare welfare? No wonder Rush Limbaugh is puking on his microphone.
The second debate was McCain’s Last Stand, and he blew it. A disenfranchised Larry Kudlow didn’t receive his request of McCain’s need to wage a full-frontal assault of Obama’s cahoots with Fannie Mae’s former CEO, thereby placing Barack square in the crosshairs of the imploding financial sector. McCain ripped and moaned like a broken record about how many times he reached across the aisle to collaborate with the Donkeys, which in his condition appears pretty painful as Johnny winces whenever raising his right arm.
Then both weasels implied that they’ll follow Dubya’s footpath of flipping the United Nations a giant middle finger as American hummers roll on into whatever country the Commander in Chief whims. Did Dubya establish an unsettling and asinine new trend by invading Iraq without the UN’s blessing? Who would have predicted Dubya would leave such profound pus-oozing scar tissue in DC?
Alright everybody, let’s get used to enunciating “President Barack Hussein Obama”. That doesn’t have much of a ring to it. With a name like that, shit, foreigners are gonna think he’s the president of Kenya.
At least Dubya is keeping his nose out of McCain’s campaign. Dubya’s enjoying his twilight; nothing he does matters anymore except for maybe his reaction to Oliver Stone’s biographical film released while the git-r-done Texan still sleeps in the White House! Meanwhile, Cheney is bolted down in his Observatory with a gun to his head as the sun sets on his Global Empire. Actually, that soulless Rotarian will most likely continue gripping the world via the multi-national Evil Empire of Halliburton (within a volcano lair in Dubai).
